Choices

Noobie user dj007
posted 3 comments!

Choices

There comes a time when you don’t know

when you feel so broken and you try to find your way

There comes a time when you wonder

If you’ll make it out of this place that you’re trapped in

Feels hard to breath your mind wont rest

Not even when you try to understand

You drive so fast your hoping that you’ll

Wake in your room with all your

Walls around you safe and sound last

Night could not be true

This feeling that you have deep down it

Seems to linger all around you no

Matter what you try do it

Seems to be a part of you

You’re sitting by there’s two of you just wonderin

Who will win this battle when you face it on your own.

And then you breathe

Do you sit right back or do you step out

Do you hope for more or do you give in,  ohh, ohohoh

The time it circles round and round so fast now

Just step out of this circle or you’ll never know

Just take a leap so you can make your own mistakes

I turn the page but I don’t know how this story even ends

I write as I go and hope the happy ever after plays again

Comments: 5 Comments

5 Responses to “Choices”

  1. seriousfun says:

    Its a good song with a nice acoustic rhythym but I think you need to reconsider your phrasing. Perhaps you have too many words in there it sounds very rushed and you could use some space in there for breathing on occasions and just to give the listener time and the music to breathe. I think you have the nuts and bolts of the song there,and the words are good but I would go through and see if you can condense them somewhat and give your self a better more relaxed flow with your vocal performance. Just my 2 cents worth.

  2. spadanny says:

    I hate to be the posting police but I don’t usually leave comments for anyone that hasn’t posted more feedback for other artists. This is a really small community and if you don’t post more than the bare minimum then you can realistically expect to get the same in return. Don’t want to be confrontational but I just want to tell you how I see it. I’d love to listen to your stuff and respond but need to see that you’re here for all.

    • dj007 says:

      Well no offense but you seem to think you are the posting police. I just started to actually use the site and now that my time has freed up ill be able to listen to more. Not to mention Im new at this and dont have a strong background in music so hesitant to comment. How about you post if you want to and if not then dont, thanks for the welcoming sentiment, geeze.

  3. JamesZ says:

    Welcome to the nest….its a cool place. Don’t worry about the small stuff. :)

    Really cool voice, you’ve got it going on for sure. Love the harmonies. You most likely already know your song is a bit too rough to say much about it at this point. I think you know you’ve got some problems to work out in your arrangement but you’ve got the bones of a great song here, worth doing some polish I’d say.

    I’d suggest you do a cleaner version with a better tempo, it really sounds too rushed right now, I’d slow down your tempo and use some stop/breaks etc.. so you can avoid having it feel like everything runs together. That should bring out your melody and let us hear your great lyrics better.

    A good song is worth a lot of hard work, I often rewrite a good start completely, but at the end I’m always glad I did. It gives me a lot of pride and satisfaction know I did my very best. I think a lot of good talent goes to waste without the hard work it needs to become something awesome.

    I look forward to hearing this with your polish on it.

    James

  4. MetroPeaceTribe says:

    Wow, were you just improving as you went. Not sure where the melody starts or ends.

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