Lament

Noobie user alkomusicman
posted 6 comments!


LAMENT
Alan Kovin

My heart’s gone down from the thieves and lies
As I read all the bylines, reach for the sky
There’s an interview with Paris, bout the things she said
The ocean’s getting warmer and it’s gone to our head
An actor’s on the morning spread
We’re gonna have to change or we’re dead

A Senators’ commission has been on the news
Been defending all the leeches that got us so fooled
And no one has the guts to tell the stor-y bout the oil
Why thousands of our boys are shedding blood and getting boiled
Wonder why it got so hard
There’s got to be a changing of the guard

The old dreams are dying, but we keep trying, on the auto-line
And no ones revealing, all of the stealing inside
Is it a matter of losing grace
Or choosing the human race

We’re lost in our disguise
If we don’t realize
We cry for the earth
Harbor our own demise

It’s sad to think we could come so low
I love you so….I love you so, I love you so, people I love you so……

This entry was posted in:
Tags: , , , .
Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Lament

stova007
Commented:  March 19, 2013 at 11:02 PM()

Alko,
I’ve listened to this song twice now. This is a well-written tune. Very Dylan-esque. The first verse was my favorite. The stop-time during the “old dreams are dying” part threw off my rhythm a little bit. Other than that, sounds like a good mix. I enjoyed listening to this.

Alko – nice writing. You did a nice job with the lyrics and no complaints about the music. I know this is a lament, but I think a chorus would really help.

Jim

vincenti
Commented:  March 25, 2013 at 8:08 PM()

I guest we have different opinion you lyrics don’t made sense the music is boring,but I respect you best intention keep making music

Good production,good mix,very political. You should submit this song to Neil Young’s “Living With War Today” they post protest songs and have over three thousand songs on there it has become a chart as you will go up depending on how many listens you get. Good luck.
Tom

kessmonsters
Commented:  March 25, 2013 at 8:28 PM()

interesting lyric but i have to agree with Jim622 about the lack of a chorus. in the country genre you are using a chorus is a necessity.
good effort-kess

Right on with the lyrics. Keep on rockin!

andyburr
Commented:  March 27, 2013 at 3:07 PM()

Ambitious. I think the melody is very successful; the lyrics less so. The melody makes me feel wistful, the lyrics fight that, mainly because they jump around a bit. Things that jarred me, or took my attention away from the song: ‘byline’ is the author of an article, I believe. (nit-picky, I know!) Several of the rhymes seem a bit forced, to me (our boys getting boiled? I hadn’t heard that).
“An actor’s on the morning spread
We’re gonna have to change or we’re dead”
Saying our infatuation with pop celebrity is going to kill us is perhaps a bit extreme. Just mentioning a couple things that distracted me.
Overall, I think the lyric needs more focus. One of Dylan’s favorite tricks is giving a sort of laundry list of images or examples of what he’s talking about, then tying it together with the last line or two of each verse. For instance, if you were to repeat, say,
“Wonder why it got so hard
There’s got to be a changing of the guard” (or any of several other good options you have in your lyric) at the end of each verse, that could supply the focus (your message, and possibly a real title) and everything else could reinforce that. Maybe you could also give each verse an emphasis as well– perhaps V1 being examples of celebrity worship, V2 politics and war, V3 the environment– which would give a tighter and more focused presentation.

andyburr
Commented:  March 27, 2013 at 3:09 PM()

I like it, too. It’s ambitious. I think the melody is very successful; the lyrics less so. The melody makes me feel wistful, the lyrics fight that, mainly because they jump around a bit. Things that jarred me, or took my attention away from the song: ‘byline’ is the author of an article, I believe. (nit-picky, I know!) Several of the rhymes seem a bit forced, to me (our boys getting boiled? I hadn’t heard that).
“An actor’s on the morning spread
We’re gonna have to change or we’re dead”
Saying our infatuation with pop celebrity is going to kill us is perhaps a bit extreme. Just mentioning a couple things that distracted me.
Overall, I think the lyric needs more focus. One of Dylan’s favorite tricks is giving a sort of laundry list of images or examples of what he’s talking about, then tying it together with the last line or two of each verse. For instance, if you were to repeat, say,
“Wonder why it got so hard
There’s got to be a changing of the guard” (or any of a few other good options you have in your lyric) at the end of each verse, that could supply the focus (your message, and possibly a real title) and everything else could reinforce that. Maybe you could also give each verse an emphasis as well– perhaps V1 being examples of celebrity worship, V2 politics and war, V3 the environment– which would give a tighter and more focused presentation.

BigFun
Commented:  March 28, 2013 at 10:29 PM()

This is so misanthropic and weird I just love it. You really put your voice out there. I’m reminded of my grandfather proudly bellowing out church hymns when I was a wee nipper. Good times. And I agree, our culture’s fixation with social and entertainment media has a gradual deadening effect on individuals. Those “old dreams” aren’t dying, they’re long gone and even talking like that shows your age. As far as the recording, I’d drop the vocals to get them to sit in the mix better, but other than that the instrument levels seem good and I can hear everything clear enough. Love Dylan, but gotta say I don’t hear him here.

Jeremy
Commented:  April 15, 2013 at 3:18 PM()

Great lyric and the music is well arranged as well… A chorus would bring it all home for me though. I understand that was not what you intended, but it would really capture what you are trying to say and help drive your points home.

Jeremy

Toney Wright
Commented:  April 15, 2013 at 8:30 PM()

Love it!! sounds like something Pete Seeger would do but, he can’t sing like you.

Leave a Reply

Music Gear Shop

Follow Us

Link to our Contact
Link to our Facebook Page
Recommend this page!
Link to our Rss Page
Link to our Twitter Page
Link to our Website Page
Link to our Youtube Page