Rattle On

Not Ranked Yet abbarnes
posted 0 comments!

New user here,  looking for a bit of feedback:

Rolling on, the breeze is blowing
Do you mind if I sit next to you?

Not worrying about where we’re going
Just biting off more than I can chew

I swore off drinkin’ for the fifth time this week
But, it wasn’t too long before I tripped

Promises I’ve got plenty of em
But, there’s not too many that I’ve kept

Chorus:
Rattle on, rattle on
All you bones in my body
This trip may never find an end

Rattle on, rattle on
All you stones in my pocket
It’s time for my changes to begin

Old man winter sat down right beside me
And began to burst right into tears

There’s not too much that he says
But, there’s plenty…that he hears

Chorus

Bridge:
If my spring doesn’t lift me out of this
My summer can never fall apart

Choices define where you go and
Your history defines who you are

Chorus

 

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4 Responses to Rattle On

Welcome to the site and thank you for posting your song. Please note that our songwriters tend to reciprocate with comments and critiques. Expect to get out of this site what you put into it! Please provide at least 2 comments for each song you post.

Looking forward to your participation and hearing your music. Hope you enjoy the site! Bob

joeyj2101
Commented:  April 24, 2013 at 10:07 AM()

I thought you all we out of tune for a minute but I got where you were going soon. Had a real Old Crow Medicine Show feel and sound to it. That’s a good think in my book!

The song is really nice to listen to. I especially like the harmony vocals. I’ve listened several times and don’t quite know what the song is about. Seems a little esoteric. That can be good. you might think of making it a little more accessible. I think it has something to do with living on the edge?

My biggest criticism is that the switch from the intro rhythm to the rhythm with the drums is jarring. I like both rhythms but they seem to clash. You might consider that also. Very enjoyable song.

marc lee
Commented:  April 30, 2013 at 12:32 PM()

good vocals; i think the song would shine if it were stripped down considerably. maybe acoustic guitar, bass and vocals.

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