Advanced contributor rembow
posted 34 comments!

Sorry about the mumbly voice here, haha, still working on singing and playing AND singing expressively (including enunciation) so that’s part of why this is a demo. Lyrics and song structure, mood and feel are what I’m focusing on. Professional recording, if ever, is a long term goal. Also I’m trying my hand at symbolic storytelling, allegory. This one’s about country music.

My lady’s no fool
She got craft to spare
My sweetheart’s no beggar
Got color in her hair

And if you give her a dime
Slide your change in her slot
She’ll recite you a song
And a show that don’t stop

There was once a time
When her grace and her charm
Made toast out of towns
And gave life to the farms

But my darlin’s no child
Say the notches in her bedpost
Don’t look in her eyes
Lest you turn to stone


What a beautiful song she sang
With that slow southern drawl
You can almost hear
The mournful wail
Of slow, sad steel
Casting lines against
A desert sunset
Stirring memories
Of a time before the ravages

And the town she was born in
Grew up and grew strong
Made a name in the papers
As the mecca of tonks

And the opera they sang of
As grand as it was old
Birthed the Icarus of twang
Mountain wax, home-spun gold

Her passion was plain
To those blessed with eyes
And to those craving drink
A pure shot of life

And still to this day
some radiance remains
Though jaded and faded
Sold, bought and traded

And so was treated
The soulful siren of the southern west
That singing swan more lost than blessed


Then change collected
Like a thief in the night
She got scared or aware
Or just lost in the heart

She gave up her passion
Her unquenchable curse
For the illusion of pleasure
The dark pit of a purse

So now the good ol’ days
Are gone forever
Cold dust in the wind
A dead wheel that just spins
as the sun sets
And her skin cracks
As she fills holes full of time
For dollars and dimes
She remembers the old days
And mourns momentarily
For her forgotten muse
All but lost to posterity
“Too late now!” she scoffs
As she cashes her check
I’ve bedded the banker
And there’s no looking back


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7 Responses to Ravages

Commented:  January 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM()

I like the way you turn a phrase. You paint a very vivid picture. However, you’re not getting on the charts with 5:22 of lyrics. The trouble is that all of the lyrics are too pretty to cut. This might sound weird, but you could make it longer: do an entire album comprised of the chapters in the life of your southern siren.

    Commented:  January 6, 2013 at 1:09 PM()

    I appreciate that and you are right, if I’m looking for popular attention I’d have to do some trimming. I will definitely keep that in mind. Hey thanks for listening man.

The song made me smile and giggle as I thought about modern country against your lyrics. I agree with clintsythe about length. However, I don’t want to be too negative, but, really, and maybe I’m just speaking for myself, I am not planning on getting any of my songs promoted or thinking about them hitting the charts (it would be nice), so what I mean is some songs are not for selling; they are for live performances in maybe open mic or coffee-shop atmoshphere. I think if people are paying attention to your introduction, as you wrote above, this song could go over very well in the right venue–it intertained me, and that is not easy. Some songs, I think, are ruined when you change them to try to make them sell. This one I think can stand alone in a live kind of setting–that is, if you already have the crowds attention so they get it.

    Commented:  January 8, 2013 at 9:27 PM()

    I agree. All around, lol. Honestly this isn’t written for a radio audience or a live audience–no specific audience. It’s just practice for now. The audience is you guys, haha. Posting these things here so I can get helpful feedback like this. So far I’ve learned if you want a pop audience, keep it sharp,clean and memorable; if you want a live audience emphasize immediate entertainment (along with those other things). I’m glad you enjoy it and appreciate the encouragement. Humor is essential in even the most sincere music. It’s an element of music. Humor and music both thrive on a balance of predictability and surprise.

Commented:  January 8, 2013 at 9:41 PM()

This song is very “Dylan-esque”, which is a great thing. You’re right that you would have to do some trimming if you wanted radio attention, but I really love the lyrics and what they mean. Really cool tune!

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