Waiting on the Telephone to Ring

Noobie user stova007
posted 23 comments!

https://soundcloud.com/user757058102/telephone-master-3

I just started working on a solo project. Im recording all of the instruments/vocals on my own. It’s definitely taking some time to learn, but I think i’m slowly getting the hang of it. This is the first song that I’ve finished. Let me know what you think.

Lyrics:

and those city lights
they sure are bright from here
at the hotel bar
with the skyline so clear

and ill stop
and have another drink
Im just waiting on the telephone to ring

now the curtains have closed
Ive played my last song
But sometime i feel
I feel like i just dont belong

and ill stop
theres nothing left to sing
Im just waiting on the telephone to ring

and hear you say “your love isnt good enough anymore”

So im gonna sing it out
and i will just work it out
and maybe I will play it out
I wanna see how it all plays out

and ill stop
and have another drink
im just waiting on the telephone to ring

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14 Responses to Waiting on the Telephone to Ring

Welcome to the site and thank you for posting your song! I see you posted some comments for other songwriters. Thank you for doing that and I’m sure they will be thanking you soon. Our songwriters tend to reciprocate with comments and critiques so your participation should return some benefit. In other words, expect to get out of this site what you put into it!

Thanks again for participating in the forum and I’m looking forward to hearing your music. Hope you enjoy the site!

Bob

Very nice. I liked the way you repeated the bridge at the end, repeated the last verse and chorus. Hope I put that right. Anyway, I really enjoyed listening to this one!

The acoustic work sounds great. Would like to hear some strings in the background. The soft texture of the song makes it beautiful.

Let me get this out of the way first. I’m not a big fan of the fade-out. I think a song needs a great beginning to keep you listening and a great ending to bring you back. Many times what you hear when a song is finished is how it ended. You spent about 50 seconds at the end of the song on “Tell me we can work it out.” I think you could get this song down to 3:30 and stay focused on “Waiting on the telephone to ring” with a great ending.

Having said that, this is a terrific, well written, performed, and produced song. The vocal inflections and emotional impact with your performance is heartfelt! This is without a doubt one of the best song I’ve heard here! Awesome!!

Thanks for sharing and looking forward to hearing more from you! Keep up the great work! Bob

    stova007
    Commented:  January 4, 2013 at 2:23 PM()

    Thanks for the feedback, Bob. I think you’re right about the last :50 seconds of the song, and I may revisit it and find a different ending.

Rembow
Commented:  January 4, 2013 at 6:05 PM()

GREAT introduction. Wow. Whole song is nice but the subtle sketch of rhythm on the guitar and the ghostly harmonica… perfect. Very nice.

Ok first off, this is quite good. I like the song and the the vocal is soulful. The recording has a nice easy feel that reminds me of Van Morrison. Performances sound on the money. I have a couple of suggestions for improvement.

The bass (not the bass guitar but the bass frequencies) makes my subwoofer rumble. If you haven’t already you should try cutting the bass frequencies below about 100 or so on the instruments other than the bass guitar and the bass drum. They just usually get in the way and overpower that end of the spectrum. I also noticed that I don’t hear much bass guitar so you may need to EQ the bass guitar differently so that you can bring it up a little in the mix. I would go into details but there are some online tutorials I’ve found by googleing that helped me with the same problem.

The last suggestion is an artistic idea. What if one of the times that you say “and I’ll stop” you put a hard break in the arrangment where the whole band stops playing and perhaps accent the word “stop” with a snare pop. I just think it could add some color to the arrangement. Thats all I have. Good tune!

    stova007
    Commented:  January 4, 2013 at 11:07 PM()

    Thanks so much for the listen and feedback, spadanny. Ive still got a ton to learn about the whole recording process. Ill be using a lot of the tips that i get on here from fellow songwriters and self-producers.

clintsythe
Commented:  January 5, 2013 at 12:36 AM()

This is very good, composition, performance, production, everything. It’s a professional presentation.

Good song. Nice acoustic work. The vocals fit well and I like the subtle backround vocals. The only thing I thought would add to it is at the end when your trying to “work it out” you distressed your voice – throw a little pain in there. I don’t know if your familiar, but a over the top example was a song by Dr. Hook called Kiss It Away. Just a suggestion, which you may not like at all. You have great song here.

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